NOT OVER YOU
by AnnaFIRTH
Summary: Rick Castle gets shoot and Kate decided to take his safety over them and she walks away. How will they manage the break up? What will bring them back together? SET SEASON 5 FINALE. AU. ONE SHOT


_**Hello readers! How are you all doing? I'm sorry I haven't been updating much, but the freaking WIFI isn't working well.**_

_**I'm going back home tomorrow, and will be able to post new chapters faster.**_

_**Anyway, this idea you're about to read has been running around my head for a while and I finally decided to sit down and write it. I wanted to update it in three chapters but I decided to be nice and post it as a ONE-SHOT so that I don't kill you with the waiting part.**_

_**SET SEASON FIVE FINALE AND IT'S KIND OF AU. STARTS ANGST AND AS MOST OF YOU KNOW, I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS, SO YOU HAVE ONE IN THIS STORY TOO!**_

_**INVOLVES KATE AND RICK, AND ALSO LANIE APPEARS ON THE STORY. **_

_**HOPE YOU LIKE IT. **_

_**HAPPY NEW YEAR FANDOM. MUCH LOVE TO EVERYONE. LET'S MAKE 2013 BETTER THAN 2012, STARTING BY WINNING ALL THE THREE PCAs. **_

_**THIS FIC IS BASED ON A SONG BY GAVIN DeGraw - NOT OVER YOU. **_

**JUST A LAST THING,** _ITALICS_** are scenes from the past.**

* * *

"I love you too much to let you risk your life over mine, Rick. I just can't. It was my fault. You got shot because of me and I can't; I've tried but I... I keep seeing you laying on my arms, me begging you to stay awake and it's too much…" She sobs standing right in front of him, "You have a family to take care of Rick, Alexis and your mother…"

"You're part of my family too, Kate." He shoots back in a mix of angry and preoccupation in his voice; "I got shot, I know but I'm okay. Look at me I'm pretty much fine."

"You are, but what if it happens again?"

"It won't…"

"You don't know that, Castle."

_Great, now we're back in the surname thing._

"Kate, I will stop following you if that is what worries you." He states taking a step into her, as she takes a step back, " Kate please…" He begs her to stay.

"No Castle! This can't go on. I would never, ever forgive myself if you get killed trying to safe me. We…"

"No, Kate please! Don't leave me." Rick Castle cries trying to reach for her, but she keeps on stepping back, far away from him.

"It's the best, at least for a while. Understand me Rick."

"I don't want to. You know I would give my life to safe yours."

"I know, but I don't want you to do that." She says reaching for the door.

He reaches for the door too, and places his hand over hers, on the doorknob. "Don't do this to us, Kate. We've been to so much to throw it away just because I got shot." He now, whispers into her ear. Her back is pressed again her chest and he can feel Kate giving in; he takes the moment to wrap his arms around her waist and manages to spin her around, so now she's facing him. Seconds later his lips are on hers. He has her pressed against the wall, hardly kissing her, like they did a year ago. She can't help but kiss him back, but when blood starts to get to her brain, she realizes what he's trying to do, and she won't let him. She manages to pull away and when she does, her eyes lock with his.

"Tell me you don't feel that Kate. Tell me that you want to give up on this, on what we have and I will let you go."

"I don't feel anything, Castle." She lies. Lies for him, for his safety; because for her that's the most important thing. He is the most important person in her life and she knows she wouldn't last a day knowing that he's dead because of her.

"You are lying to protect me." He says trying to kiss her again, but she moves her head. She needs to go now, or she'll break into tears right in front of him.

"I'm not lying, but I do want to protect you and I can't if you're always with me. Now please… Let me go."

"No Kate, please. I will stop shadowing you; I will get back to my normal life and write all day, but please. Don't leave me." He sobs resting his forehead on hers.

"Don't make it harder that it already is Rick." She says pecking his lips one more time, before opening the door and head out.

"Tell me this is a nightmare… That Kate hasn't walked out of my life and that she denied feeling something for me…" Rick repeated to himself as he walked backwards until he hit the couch and fell on it.

* * *

**A month later.**

"Hey girl!" Lanie says sitting on the edge of Kate's desk at the Twelfth Precinct.

"Hello Lanie." Kate replies putting the paperwork on the wooden table, "How are you?"

"I'm okay, but I'm not here to talk about me."

"Then, what's up?"

"Kate, you look like crap. Have you been sleeping lately?" The ME asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Kate you don't have to pretend being fine. You can lie to Espo and Ryan, even to your own dad, but not to me."

"Okay you want to know the truth?" Kate asks knowing what Lanie's answer is going to be. She sees her friend nod and she continues speaking, "I can't sleep, I barely eat and I can't stop thinking about Castle. I know I did wrong leaving him, but all I want is he to be safe and that's not possible when I'm around. I can't protect him Lanie,. He has a family and I was just…"

"Kate, you were HIS girlfriend."

"That's all I was, his girlfriend…" Kate says trying to hold back the tears that were fighting to get out. She knew he wasn't just some other girlfriend to him, as he wasn't just another boyfriend to her. Kate was madly in love with Richard Castle and so was him with her. She knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him and start a family. She really didn't know how it happened so fast, but Castle was everything she had ever dreamt of.

"Don't you say that again Kate!" Lanie says hitting the table, "I'm tired of you saying nonsense things. Stop thinking about his safety for a while," Lanie says and waits for Kate to follow her. The detective nods, briefly closing her eyes and Lanie decides to continue with the explanation, "think about all you have been through. All the times he held you when you were having a breakdown, all the times he hugged you when he saw you cry and weak. The getaways to the Hamptons; Christmas and New Year's eve; Jeez Kate he made you believe in the magic of Christmas again. All the secrets and lies, and how you worked to overcome them. Think for a while of every kiss, all the nights cuddling watching a movie or doing other things…" Lanie says making Kate let out a little laugh, "Every coffee, every smile he managed to draw on your face every single morning; are you sure you want to keep giving up on this? Are you sure you want to forget Rick and move on?"

"I can't forget him Lanie. Believe me, I've tried, but he won't leave my head."

"Maybe that means something…"

"Means that I love him too much for him to risk his life to protect me. I can't let him play cops anymore because one day he's going to get himself killed and I wouldn't be able to live without him; without knowing that he's not alive. I would eventually kill myself…" Kate admits with tears running down her face, "I know Rick does not get it, but it will stay this way. Because I don't want him gone. Knowing that he's out there breathing and very much alive is what I want."

"I understand that Kate. But have you thought about him for a minute?"

"All the time. Every single minute of every day."

"What do you think he's doing right now, Kate?" Lanie asks, looking for her friend's eyes. When Kate finally looks at Lanie, she's still crying; her eyes are red and she's trying to catch some air.

"He'll probably be walking around, or writing, spending time with Alexis. Enjoying his freedom."

Lanie cracks a laugh and Kate does not know what she meant by that. "You're so wrong Kate. So damn wrong. I went out with Javi last night, and we found him at a restaurant. When we entered the place, we saw him sitting, alone, in a table for two, se we decided to not interrupt."

"See, he already has someone." Kate breaks in to tears again.

"Would you just stop interrupting?" Lanie yells. "Javi and I enjoyed our meal but I couldn't stop looking at him. He had dinner alone, and when he was about to leave I stopped him."

* * *

"_Castle!" Lanie says with a smile._

"_Oh! Hey Lanie!" He briefly smiles and pulls de ME for a hug, "You look amazing. Is Javi with you?" _

"_He's right over there, yes."_

"_That's good. It's great to see you two happy and together again." He murmurs._

"_Thanks. But… How are you doing?" Lanie asks, knowing that she's entering a fragile territory._

"_I'm fine." Rick lies._

"_You are not."_

"_I… just…" He stammers_

"_Why were you having dinner alone, in a table set for two?"_

"_I, uh… This way I feel like Kate's here. Like she's still around. We used to come to this restaurant, and I had a reservation for our year anniversary, which is today, so I decided to have dinner alone, but hoping she would still be here with me." He explains sitting back on the chair. He drops his head on his hands and lets a few tears come out. Lanie decides to occupy 'Kate's chair' in front of him and takes his hand, "I still can't believe she left me because of that. I know she loves me Lanie, as much or even more that I love her, and you know how much I love her. She…She was my everything, and I want to believe she still is, but days keep passing and I wait for her to show up at my door asking me to accept her, to love her… But it's been a month and she hasn't showed up; she does not reply my calls or messages."_

"_Rick… Believe me when I say that Kate still loves you. I see her at the precinct, constantly looking where your chair used to be, she isn't as effective as she used to be when you were around, she even had a breakdown one day when a suspect asked why you weren't around."_

"_I want her to be happy Lanie… I want the real Kate back and even if I'm not around, to be able to handle a case by herself. I want her to smile and have fun, and if that means that I will never be able to have her again, I'm okay. I just want her to stop worrying and be happy."_

"_You make her happy Rick."_

"_I did. But then she pushed me out."_

"_What if you try to talk to her?" _

"_I don't think that would be a good idea…"_

"_Then let her come to you. Why don't you tell her to meet you some place and in a friendly way talk things through?"_

"_I don't think I would be able to look at her again and pretend like nothing happened."_

"_I know, but you can try…"_

"_I don't think it would be a good idea. I've been going to therapy, trying to overcome Kate, but she won't leave my head. She's everywhere. I walk around the loft and I see pictures of us hanging on my office wall, I turn on my phone and her face is still on the wallpaper because I'm scared to erase her. I open my wardrobe and there are still some of her clothes, even when I walk into a coffee shop I mechanically order two coffees… She's everywhere, Lanie. I will never forget her, and I know I won't ever feel what I feel for Kate, for any other woman. She was the first person I loved, and also the last. When I first kissed her, I told to myself 'Rick, this is going to be your last first kiss', and I want to keep that…" _

"_Wow boy. You really really love her."_

"_I do, and I would shout it to everyone if I needed to. What I want to say is that, if she decided to take my safety over our relationship I accept it because I know it's important to her, and I would do the same, but I will never, ever forget her. And I know one day I will run into her, and have the courage to maintain a normal and friendly conversation, knowing how much it hurts to not have her."_

"_I just want you to be okay Rick. Kate's my best friend, but you are one of my closest friends too. If you need anything, even if it's just to talk call me or come over to my place someday, Javi could help you too."_

"_Thank you Lanie. Means a lot." He says giving her hand a gentle squeeze._

* * *

"He really said all of this?" Kate says wiping the tears that were still running down her face.

"He did."

"He had dinner at a table set for two because he wants to remember me… I'm so stupid Lanie…" Kate sobs and Lanie reaches for her. Kate immediately wraps her arms around her friend and Lanie lets her cry.

"Kate I know his safety is important to you, but he accepts to live in danger to have you."

"He can get shot again, Lan. I would not last a single day without him…"

"You've been doing fine for a month."

"That's because I know that he's alive, somewhere, but breathing."

"Think about it Kate. Take all the time you need, but talk to him."

"I… Thank you Lanie. I will think about it. Now I really have to go, I'm having dinner with my dad."

"Talk soon girl!" Lanie says watching Kate leave the room, and disappear behind the elevator doors.

* * *

**A month later.**

Kate was walking down the street when something caught her attention at the other side of the street. She crossed the famous 5th Avenue and stopped at the store window of Barnes and Novel. There was a life-size cartoon figure of Rick Castle holding his latest book; Hamptons Heat. Kate couldn't breath; he was serious when he talked about writing a new book. She knew he had the plot running on his head but she had never seen him write.

She stepped inside and immediately walked to the New Book section when she found a special section dedicated to Rick's book. It had a red cover, with the sunset in the Hamptons and two figures walking down the beach, holding hands. She turned it over and found a picture of him and a brief description.

She was about to turn it back to the bookshelf when someone interrupted her thoughts, "You should read the dedication Detective." A voice says from behind. Kate turns around to see a young man carrying a pile of books, "You're Detective Beckett right? Rick Castle's girlf-, muse?" He corrects himself.

"No… Well yeah I was." Kate says running her fingers over the cover of the book.

"Then read the dedication." He says and walks away.

Kate does not know what to do. She stares at the cover for a long minute and finally decides to open the book.

HAMPTONS HEAT by RICHARD CASTLE.

That's all it says in the first page; she turns it over, and finally reaches the dedication.

_I might be safer, but living without you makes me weak._

_Just remember that I will ALWAYS love you._

Kate stares at the two lines dedication and bursts into tears. There he was again, telling her that she meant everything to him, telling her that he would always wait for her. She wiped away the tears running down her face and paid for the book. The lady that attended her asked her if she was ok and all Kate did was nod and get out of the bookshop as fast as possible.

She started the book that night and didn't go to bed until she finished it. When she moved to place it on the nightstand she saw light coming through the curtains, she checked the time and, indeed it was early in the morning, 6.30am to be exact. She sent a text to Espo, saying that she was sick and rolled on to her bed. Five minutes later she was sound asleep.

* * *

When she woke up in was midday. She got dressed and made a cup of coffee while browsing on the Internet for some information about Rick. If his book had just come out, he had to do some promotion and a few book signings. As she predicted, there was a book signing starting at 1pm at the same Barnes and Noble she bought the book yesterday. She looked for a cardigan and ran out of her place. She took the car and surprisingly, thirty minutes later she was standing at the same spot she had been hours before.

She enters the bookshop and follows the arrows to the room where Rick Castle would be signing books. She reaches the back part of the shop and sees a few people already queuing; she walks to them and waits behind a pregnant woman, more or less her age.

Fifteen minutes later she sees Rick emerge from a door and taking a seat on his wooden chair. He looks good and exhausted at the same time. He has pain all over his eyes, and he's much thinner, meaning that he hadn't been sleeping much, nor eating; and that breaks Kate, because it was all her fault.

"Isn't he handsome?" The pregnant lady asks Kate. They had been standing there for fifteen minutes now, and starting a conversation was a good way to make time go by quicker.

"He is." Kate sighs.

"Have you met him before? Because I haven't and I'm getting nervous." The pregnant lady says and Kate lets out a little laugh.

"He's an amazing person. Don't be nervous, he knows exactly what to say and how to treat people."

"It seems like you really know him…"

"I do, in fact, I was his muse…"

"Shut the front door!" The woman shouted making everyone turn around to look at them, "Wops, sorry. You're the detective girlfriend!" She now, whispers.

"I was, yeah."

"Why was?"

"We… uh, broke up."

"Oh you did?"

"Yeah. I broke up with him, actually. He got shot and I couldn't live with the feeling that he could be killed someday, so I decided to keep him safe and alive, but away from me."

"Wow… That must have been difficult."

"It is…" Kate sighs recalling all the lonely nights and days, punishing herself for what she did.

"So, the dedication is addressed to you…"

"It is. That's why I'm here."

"What are you going to do?"

"Get him back."

"_Next!" _Rick's voice made the two women stop their conversation. It was the pregnant lady's turn.

"You go first girl!" She says to Kate.

"I… I can wait. It's your turn."

"You need to see him, more than I do. Don't let this opportunity run away detective." The woman says pushing Kate to Rick.

"_Next!"_ He says again, not lifting his head.

Kate nervously walks to him, open the book at the dedication page and hands it to him. Rick is about to sign the book, when he sees something written right under the two lines.

_I will ALWAYS love you too. _It said in a handwriting he immediately recognised.

He slowly lifts his head to find Kate Beckett standing behind the wooden table.

No words are needed. Rick stands up, pushing his chair meters away while he moves his hands up to hold Kate's face and bring her lips to his. He lets their lips press, hard and firm for a few long seconds and then he slightly pulls away. He manages to steal a smile from Kate's lips; when their eyes lock, as their noses brush against each other, he whispers on her lips.

"I was serious when I told you ALWAYS."

"I was too." She smiles back and presses her lips to his one more time.

"No more running away Kate. I don't care if I risk my life when I'm with you. But I can't be alone. I need you Kate, without you my life has no meaning."

"I need you too. But promise me something?" She asks and sees him nod, "If I ever ask you to walk away from a crime scene or case…"

"I will do Kate. I promise to listen to you. I don't want to lose you, Kate."

"Neither do I." She says pulling away. She stares at Rick, while he writes something on the book and then he hands it to her.

"I'll be done in an hour. Meet me at the Old Haunt."

"See you later Rick." She says taking the book and letting him continue with his work.

When she steps outside she opens the book and reads what he has written.

_**When I first kissed you I said to myself that it was going to be my last first kiss, and I want to keep that.**_

_**Always yours,**_

_**R.C**_

* * *

_**Thoughts?**_


End file.
